I hate how YouTube is just like high school! YouTube definitely has its own cliques exactly like a real high school would. But how did these gurus become so popular so fast when I came from a broken down home? I came from nothing and it seems like certain people with a much higher class "Rich Bitches" degrade people like me and think "Why bother with these low life's? Their nothing!"
I mean, just because I don't live in a fancy house, have up to date equipment or the technology to edit my videos, I'm not going to make it in this world? I had to survive on my own for most of my life because I grew up without my father in my life and some people have to blame it on me? Look, its not my fault that my older brother's father is a man-whore, my father was a drunk (Not anymore) and my little brother's father turned out to be a child molester. At this point, I can say, I don't know who my father is...
Its not my fault how I grew up and what family I was placed in. I was abandoned and growing up wasn't always easy and to have the life I now have. Yes, my father came into my life when I was 11 years old sober as can be and in the military. He is still trying to make up for lost time by basically giving me anything I want but somehow that doesn't fill the whole that was left behind in my heart. Abandonment is something that no one should ever know what it feels like and being raised in a new environment I hoped no one should ever feel or experience.
I know I got off topic but you have to understand the real me and how I am. Yeah I can say I'm not one of those popular gurus that gets bashed on all the time. I never get any hate comments on my channel and I'm thankful for that. I only get positive feedback, which I love! To get to the point where I am now, I had to do it on my own without any help.
Of course, I do have a disability and not sure how or where I got it from. My brain is hard wire differently from everybody else. I had this disability since the day I was born. When I was born, I had a lot of inner ear infections which distorted the way I heard things and it affected my speech (How I talk). To some people, I talk just fine but if you are really paying attention, I tend to stutter a lot, I would pause in mid-sentence or not say certain words correctly.
I had a 50-50 percent chance of becoming deaf when I was younger due to all the inner ear infections I had. I do have problems with my hearing at times and I wouldn't say its the greatest. Because of all the inner ear infections, my Mom had to put me in speech. I started going when I was 3 1/2 years old and stopped going when I was 13. (On a side note, English is my second language).
In grade school, some doctor diagnosed me with ADHD/ADD as well as Multiple Learning Disability (Not sure what that is to this day). When I got into middle school, I was put in a special class in 8th grade called, "Resource". When high school came around, I was still in a special class known as, "Special Education" but they also at the same time wanted to diagnosed me as being bi-polar. My high school was weird.
In college, I had the school test me and I had to go through the disabled Student Services (DSS) but its now called "OSD" Office for students with Disabilities. My counselor diagnosed me with a Severe Learning Disability. He said that its a mild case of Autism. Let me break it down for you on what certain things I do have problems with... I have a harder time grasping information then normal students. I do struggle with certain things like: spelling, reading, filling out paper work and pronouncing certain words correctly, like I mentioned earlier in this blog. I'm more of a hands on type of person. But I still struggle with my disability everyday. I have to learn how to deal with it and to expect it. I need to find what I really can strive for and what I'm really good at.
Again, I know I got off track but you need to understand where I'm coming from and how hard of a life I had to live. I moved around consistently and couldn't stay in one place. But the thing is, I had it much harder than these "Rich Bitches" who think that they are better than everyone else and just because they have 20K subscribers on their channel automatically makes them the shit. Their the ones who are always getting hate comments. I only have 171 subscribers and I had never got a hate comment and hope to never get one ever. I only get is positive feedback and I'm actually grateful of the people who are subscribed to my channel. I couldn't say the same for all of these other popular people.
We are all gurus in our own little way and its our personality that truly makes or breaks us as an individual. Some may love us and some may envy us.
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